Gangs, Chocolate, and Lollipop
by Child-1763
Summary: Kiki is the new student in school and she meets the Akatsuki. crack fic, m for language and references plus i like to be safe and haven't decided if i'll do adult themes yet. AU plus Kiki belongs to me
1. First Day

Chapter One

"Kiki, get up." Kiki groaned as a bright light hit her eyes and she shifted away from it, "Kiki~." The light came back, she opened my eyes and screamed. Kiki shot up as white lights danced in front of her eyes and fell off of the bed onto the cold hardwood floor.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHY DO YOU HAVE A FLASHLIGHT?" Her sister Kalli laughed as she chucked the flashlight at her head causing even more dancing dots to appear. "Wow, Kalli hit me again these lights are pretty."

"You're a freak."

"Better than being a slut."

"Bitch."

"Haha, touché." Kiki sat there giggling as Kalli stared at her before hitting her on top of the head again. "Owie." She whined holding her head and rolling around on the floor.

"You asked me." Kiki flipped her off and Kalli started at her, when she didn't flinch she glared and walked out.

"By the way, school starts in 10 mins and since your late I'm not driving you." She tried to jump up but tripped on her blanket and landed on her hardwood floor for the second time that morning.

"Damn," She moaned slowly getting up and walking over to shut the door. "SELFISH BITCH!" Was screamed down the hallway, before she quickly shutting the door and locked it. She giggled evilly to herself and popped a Disturbed CD in and started pulling out clothes from her box to mix and mash together. Kiki shrugged as she tried on the third skirt that her mom had picked out over the summer.

"To hell with it, I'll deal with her bitchin' later." She said out loud to herself then pulled on a pair of gray sweatpants that scrunched up around the middle of her calves with a dark purple tank that ended where her ribcage did.

Kiki pulled on a black zip up hoodie and left it unzipped, she smiled at herself and did a super hero pose then frowned as she noticed her long red brown hair was tangled. She growled in irritation and forced it into a messy bun, her bangs swinging into her eyes before she swept them back out of her face and made a face at herself in the mirror.

Kiki laughed and grabbed her back pack which was a black messenger bag with the words 'I AM THE MESSENGER OF DEATH!' in red cursive with a chibi vampire smirking. She sighed in happiness as she stuck a button on it that read 'U say I suck, well I have 2 say, not only do I suck, I swallow."

Kiki ran to her door and opened it before taking off down the hallway. She flew through the door to see Kalli about to take off when she saw her she started going faster, but Kiki threw herself on the hood and grabbed onto the windshield wipers.

"Get off my fucking car." Kalli hissed, driving slowly down the road trying to peer around her sisters body.

"NOOOO! I WANT A RIDE! I WHISH MY PWETTY SISTER WOULD HELP ME!" Kiki screamed causing people to come out of their houses to stare at them as they drove down. Kalli looked around at all the people before sighing and stopping.

"Get in." She growled glaring at her, Kiki grinned and hopped off and ran to the door and hopped in.

"Yays," She cheered, before turning to Kalli, "Me sowwy I made you embarrassed sissy." Kalli shook her head and started speeding through the streets and making it through all the lights before they turned.

"Whatever, just hold on cause we're booking it." Kiki watched the meter thingy go past 80 then held on to the seat in fear as she screamed for all she was worth. Kalli grinned as she skid into a parallel park and Kiki screamed even louder as the car went up on two wheels.

"Oh god, oh god, I'm to young to die, I haven't kissed a boy or had a good fuck with one, I haven't taken over the world yet!" Kiki screamed as they slammed back down onto all fours.

She scrambled through the door and flung herself onto a tree. "Kalli, no offence, but I believe the FBI or CIA should arrest you for your driving." Kalli flipped her off as she walked into the building. Kiki sighed in irritation as she slid off the tree then followed her sister into the high school.

Kiki followed her into a place marked with a sign that read 'Administrative office.' She stuck her tongue out at it and walked in, Kalli was heading into the principles office and she booked it so that she made it in before her. She glared at her and Kiki stuck her tongue out at her then sat down in front of the principle where she had to forcibly take her gaze away from the woman's large….. Um assets, she coughed and focused on her face.

"Kalli and Kiki um," She frowned and tried to focus on the last name, "Googlesteinmavista." Kalli turned to glare at Kiki and she whistled while looking away.

"It's actually Takai, our mother was American though." BB (big breasts) rose an eyebrow and looked at Kiki.

"So you're a practical joker." She grinned and gave her a crazy salute.

"Why lil' lady I do believe you are a' flattering me." She drawled in some accent that she didn't know where it came from. BB smiled and leaned back in her chair and out of a drawer came a bottle of sake.

"Well, I 'm Tsunade Senjuu and Shizune outside will give you your schedules." They smiled at her and she raised an eyebrow. "Well what are you waiting for, GO BRATS!" They jumped and hurried out of the room. Kiki smiled as the door shut behind them and looked at Kalli.

"I like BB." She said before she walked over to Shizune and grabbed her schedule. She looked at it and frowned a bit as she read.

Name: Kiki Takai

Age: 16

Sex: Female

Student ID: 110904

Grade: 10

Locker: C1774

7:30 to 8:00 1st period: English 3 Jiraiya Otsuka

8:08 to 9:23 2nd period: Algebra 2 Anko Mitarashi

9:31 to 10: 46 3rd period: Free Hour

10:54 to 12:09 4th period: Gym Gai Maito

12:17 to 12:47 Lunch

12:55 to 2:10 5th period: AP Biology Orochimaru Kujiya

2:18 to 3:30 6th period: Social Studies Kakashi Hatake

She sighed as she stared at the schedule and then she glanced at the clock. 7: 25.

"Aw, shit." She muttered before taking off down the hall looking for her locker. Kiki glared at all the lockers as she moved through the A's and B's and she sighed in irritation as she was forced to walk even faster through a crowd of students.

A few people glared at her for bumping into them but she just flipped them off and kept walking. She finally found her locker just as the bell rang. She groaned as she realized this: Late + New = people staring = nervous her = embarrassing actions. She started to dial in her locker combo when a hushed silence came over the crowd.

She looked behind her to see everyone in the hall staring at her as they walked by. She stared back then looked around in confusion.

"Is everyone here planning to kill me?" She randomly asked, looking at everyone with a suspicious look on her face, "I knew that butterfly was stalking me." Everyone started laughing which caused the silence to go away. Kiki smiled smugly and was about to shut her locker when someone interrupted her with a throat clearing.

"What are you doing here?" She looked up to see a girl with red hair standing there glaring at her with a bunch of other girls behind her. She held in a giggle, but then burst out into full blown laughter. She hunched over to hold her stomach then stopped, wiping her eyes.

"Who are you?" She asked politely, putting books into her locker. Red flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled haughtily.

"I am Karin, I run the Uchiha fan club." Kiki looked at her blankly. Then looked around. Then looked back at her.

"What the fuck is an Uchiha?" She asked cocking her head to the side and frowning. Red went crazy pulling out a giant roll out suitcase, it folded out to reveal a bunch of photos of two boys. Them eating, glaring, talking to people, staring into space and even some of them sleeping in their beds. Kiki stared at the box. Then the girl.. Then the box. Then the girl.

"Wow, your one crazy bitch." Red grew red in the face and started to sputter. Kiki simply patted her on the shoulder and smiled sympathetically. "It's okay there's a place where people like you can get better. It's called an Asylum. And don't worry doctors there are actually very nice." She turned around to pull books out of her locker, but instead was pushed into it.

"This is called revenge, bitch." She snorted in amusement and turned around so that she could see out the little slots.

"Thank you I was looking for some personal time with my locker." Red laughed as the second bell rang and they left. Kiki sighed and suddenly someone blocked the light.

"Hey I saw what they did, so give me your lunch money." She blinked at the male voice and resisted the urge to laugh.

"No."

"Give it or else." She blinked again and snorted as she attempted to cross her arms.

"Or else what?"

"I'll beat you up."

"I'm in a locker retard." There was silence which was broken by the stupidest answer ever heard through all time.

"Give me the combo."

"Why the hell would I do that when your out there waiting to beat me up?" Kiki asked in disbelief as voice growled and something punched the locker door, she rolled her eyes. "Yeah real smart dumbass, punch metal that'll work, yeah you better walk away, oh, wait, NO DON'T LEAVE I CHANGED MY MIND I WANT OUT!" She sighed as the footsteps went away and shifted around.

Kiki soon got bored so she started to talk to her locker about its' name. "Do you like the name Steve?" No response. "Your right, unoriginal, Antonio?" No response. "You don't like Italian, what about André?" No response. "Okay, no Spanish or whatever that is, what about Stephan?" Something clanged and she gasped in amazement. "Stephan, it is." She started to giggle uncontrollably and soon she couldn't stop.

She managed to slow them down a bit and soon all there was, was the cold silence of an empty hallway that caused the girl in the locker to start hyperventilating.

"Deidara-senpai, this locker was giggling!" Kiki perked up and tried to peer through the slots, but only managed to see something blonde.

"Idiot, lockers don't giggle, un."

"But, Tobi swears it did because Tobi is a good boy!." She sighed as they started to walk away but then perked up at a sudden thought.

"Tobi," She whispered in her horror movie voice, "Tobi help me." She heard a terrified squeak and the sound of someone running back to the locker.

"THE LOCKER JUST CALLED TO TOBI!"

"Whatever retard, we're heading to the fucking classroom." A third person passed by before something orange clogged up the slots and she shot back a little cursing under her breath.

"Hello Locker? Tobi is listening." Kiki snickered to herself and coughed to clear her throat. She did the impression again while giving instructions.

"Tobi, dial 3, 17, 23, and open the locker."

"OKAY LOCKER, TOBI IS DOING AS YOU INSTRUCT!" She heard the dial spin and suddenly light flooded the room and she jumped out, crushing a boy beneath her enormous body weight.

"OH BEAUTIFUL LIGHT I WILL NEVER TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED AGAIN! I LOVE YOU TOBI!" She jumped onto the boy and started kissing his face all over. They stood up after a while and Tobi walked over to the locker.

"Locker, is this Tobi's prize for being a good boy?" She smiled and took in the sight of Tobi. He had black hair with a swirly eye patch over his left eye and one big chocolate brown eye staring at her. Kiki suddenly grinned hugely and glomped him.

"You are so cute!" She squealed, crushing his face against her chest and rocking from side to side. "I'm renaming you as Lollipop." She suddenly dropped him and gasped. "Holy shit what time is it?" Tobi straggled up and looked at his phone.

"7:45." _Holy shit, I was only in the locker for 15 minutes? Seemed longer to me_, she sighed as she picked up her English textbooks and after a second of thought also took out her algebra books too.

"Hey Tobi, do you know where Jiraiya Otsuka's room is?" Tobi perked up and nodded enthusiastically.

"Tobi is in Jiraiya-sensei's first hour too!" He grabbed her hand and started tugging her down the hallway. "Tobi's name is Tobi what is locker lady's name?"

"My name is Takai Kiki." She managed to say as Tobi took a tight turn around the corner and she almost smashed her shoulder on it. "Dang Tobi, slow down." He listened a little and the speed decreased a little. Suddenly, Tobi ran into an open doorway and stopped quickly causing her to crash into him and land on top of him.

"Owie." She muttered, sitting up and climbing off of Tobi, who jumped up and started bouncing. Kiki stared at him surprised at his energy supply before shaking her head. Then she looked up and noticed a whole class staring at them. She stared back and slowly inched over to hide behind Tobi.

"JIRAIYA-SENSEI, TOBI IS A GOOD BOY, TOBI BROUGHT KIKI-CHAN TO CLASS!" He screamed, dragging her forward to a white haired guy who she instantly recognized as the author of the Icha Icha series. She controlled her fan girlish scream and waved a little wave.

"Hello, you must be Takai Kiki," He said, smiling a bit as his eyes roamed over her body, she stared at him surprised a bit and suddenly he was holding her hand and smiling hugely. "Your body is amazing! I would very much like to study it some mo-" He got cut off since he was more focused on where her foot had gone. He hunched over in pain and groaned a bit.

Kiki smiled at the class and waved a bit. "Hi! I'm Kiki! I like chocolate." She smiled and hurried over to Tobi, who for some reason had an empty seat next to him, he glanced back at a group of people who were sleeping before he waved her over happily. He hugged her as she sat down and she fished through her bag for some chocolate and split it with him. He stared at it for a minute then looked at her.

"Can Tobi really have it?" He whispered since Jiraiya had started to talk about their plans for the year. Kiki nodded and shoved the half she wasn't chewing into his hand. Tobi smiled as he shoved the chocolate into his mouth and chewed happily, Kiki smiled as she stuck a piece in her mouth and nearly moaned as it melted in her mouth.

"Okay, all of you can talk or what ever for the rest of the hour." Kiki smiled happily and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and turned to Tobi.

"Hang man?"

**Hey this is a story i started writing since i got a writers block on how to continue some of my other stories, plus i just got to busy catching up on One Piece and browsing youtube, mangafox, and deviantart and i'm moving soon so i'll do my best to update the rest of them. Peace out suckers! HA HA HA HA AHAAAAAA HAAAAHAAAA HA HA AHAA AHAA AHAA AHAA HA HA HA *cough* sorry wrong laugh, KUKUKUKKUKUKUKUKU ENJOY THAT OROCHIMARU MOMENT BITCHES.**


	2. note

Hey, my computer broke down and i'm borrowing my sisters laptop right now, so all updates will be stalled until i can get a new computer or when i can borrow my sisters for a little bit. sorry.


	3. Ch 2 : Tobi and MJ

Chapter Two

Kiki glanced at the bouncing Tobi and grimaced as she guessed a letter. "V?" Tobi laughed like a maniac.

"KIKI-CHAN IS WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! HAHAHAH," It was only five minutes ago but Kiki had realized why Tobi was surprised she was giving him chocolate. He was never, **ever** supposed to have any. She glanced around in a desperate plea for help, but everyone ignored her desperate, searching gaze. She glared at all of them and sighed just as Tobi stood up and walked away.

"Tobi where are you going?" She asked warily, standing up and moving to go after him. He crept down the row of desks towards the group of teens in the back who were sleeping and whispering amongst themselves. They didn't seem to be able to see Tobi as he crouched near the desk of a blonde and giggled. Kiki frowned as Tobi stood up then jumped on the boy.

"DEIDARA-SEMPAIIIIIIIII!" The blonde turned around and started glaring at the boy that was wrapped around his stomach.

"What the hell, yeah? Get off, un!" Tobi looked up and smiled happily.

"OKAY DEIDARA-CHAN!" He started laughing hysterically and ended up rolling on the floor clutching his stomach, Kiki walked up and started laughing at Tobi laughing and soon she was on the floor laughing and rolling. Everyone was staring at the two of them just watching, and watching, and watching. Eventually, the two managed to stop and leaned against each other as they wiped the tears from their eyes.

"Are you two okay?" One of the guys in the group asked, his sharp teeth glittering as he smiled menacingly at them. "Or should we call the paramedics?" Kiki smiled brightly at them before jumping up and dusting herself off.

"We're okay," She glanced over at Tobi, who was bouncing around on the floor singing a song from Sponge-Bob. "But someone should have told me he couldn't have chocolate."

"Damn, you fucking gave him some fucking chocolate, you dumb bitch ." Kiki frowned at the albino, eyed his exposed chest with interest then put her hands on her hips.

"Don't you know it's not fucking polite to fucking say fuck every other fucking word, you dipshit," She rolled her eyes at the boy, "Damn, you must have fucking shit for brains, you asshole." He shot up in anger and started towards her just as the bell rang. Kiki took off down the aisle, managed to grab her bag and was out the door before the albino even had time to take three steps. She ran around the corner before she stopped and stood there panting for a few seconds.

Finally, she straightened up and looked around before grabbing the nearest kid walking by. "Excuse me, Where is Anko Mitarashi's room?" The guy's glare turned to a smirk and pointed behind her.

"Right there." Then he disappeared and Kiki glared at the door behind her.

"Of course it's right here." She sighed, opening the door and walking in. A busty woman in a barely see through shirt and a cocky smile looked up.

"You must be the new student." She said standing up and drinking some of her tea. Kiki nodded and set her bag in a random seat while she looked around.

"Yes, Kiki Takai, at your service." She bowed while Anko chuckled.

"Okay, Kiki how far are you in the textbook?" Kiki thought for a moment before snapping her fingers and smiling.

"Chapter 15, or somethin' like that." She waved her hand dismissively and looked around at all the posters on the walls with famous rock stars and bands, "Hard to believe your a teacher." Anko laughed and sat back down.

"I know, I can't even believe it." Anko chuckled again and handed a packet to Kiki. "Anyway, we're only in Chapter 14, so you can chill until we get up to you." Kiki smiled and shot a crazy salute to the teacher and sat down in her chair. She glanced around the classroom, while she and Anko had been talking the classroom had filled up and Kiki recognized a certain albino sitting in the back. She caught his eyes and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Okay class, we have a new student today." Kiki froze and turned to glare at Anko, who merely smirked and gestured to the front of the class. Cursing under her breath, Kiki stood up and stood in the front.

"I'm Kiki Takai and-"

"HI KIKI-CHAN! TOBI LOVES YOU! HAHAHAHA." Kiki felt her eye twitch and she sighed as Tobi darted into the classroom then ran out laughing his head off.

"Anyway, I just moved here and hope that some of you will jump off a cliff and die. Then I'll laugh happily and dance on all of your graves before coming here to murder the rest of you." She gave a bright smile and giggled a bit at the idea. Anko started clapping and some of the class joined in with some half hearted smacks of the hands. Kiki sat back down and grab the jumbo word search from her bag.

"Okay class, now turn to page 225 and take notes with me." The class groaned while Kiki giggled evilly and crossed out words at an impressive rate.

12345

Kiki peered around the corner and quickly looked for a head of white hair before she dared walk out. Other students looked at her curiously as she crept down the hallway acting like a ninja.

"KIKICHAN!" She jumped and spun around karate chopping the offending party in the face. She looked down and cursed as she realized she'd knocked Tobi out cold.

"Looksss like you have a problem there." Kiki shivered and slowly turned around, a pale man with black hair stood smirking at the two. _Wait, two? _Kiki glanced around and realized that everyone had left. _Weird, where'd they go? _She looked around and shrugged before returning her attention to the creepy man. Then it hit her.

"YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD MICHAEL JACKSON!" The man sighed and glared at the pointing sophomore.

"I am Orochimaru, I am your science teacher."

"Ha, yeah, right," Kiki said, sarcastically, making her tone mocking, "And I'm Marilyn Manson. Now you gonna help me move him?"

"Why should I?" Orochimaru crossed his arms and gave her a stern look that clearly read '_I-Am-Better-Than-You-So-Bow-Down-To Me'_.

"I'll let you hold his feet." There was silence for a few seconds before the older sighed and stepped forward.

"All right." Kiki smiled and picked Tobi up under the armpits while the teacher grabbed the boys ankles and together they heaved him up.

"Where should we take him?" Kiki looked up and gave the teacher a weird look.

"How should I know you're the teacher." Orochimaru glared at her and nearly dropped Tobi.

"I teach science not how to ditch someone's body." Kiki laughed a bit as they continued down the hallway.

"Your Michael Jackson, where would you usually hide a younger boy?"

"I AM NOT MICHAEL JACKSON!" Kiki stopped for a minute as Orochimaru panted for breath after his little rant.

"Now where would you hide him?" Orochimaru hesitated for a minute before glancing up and down the hallways.

"I'd hide him somewhere natural, somewhere where people wouldn't think twice about a "sleeping" boy." Kiki smiled brightly and laughed.

"I got just the place."

12345

"Okay, steady, steady." Kiki murmured, backing up and heading towards the boys restroom, "Okay, open this door." They edged the door open and froze as they came face to face with a group of boys including the albino that Kiki had been trying to avoid.

They all stared at each other for a while before Kiki laughed.

"Are you all going to the bathroom together?" The blue guy stood up and smirked at the two.

"We're having a meeting, but it looks like you two are doing something more fun." He nodded at Tobi and Kiki rubbed the back of her head and remembered to late that she was holding Tobi. His head smacked the floor and Kiki looked at him guiltily.

"Oops," She chuckled and ran a hand through her hair, "Sorry MJ but I gotta go." She ran out of the bathroom and Orochimaru looked at the gang of boys. He was still holding Tobi's legs and the boys upper body was laying on the floor.

"Well, it appears that your friend is returned to you, so I will leave now." He dropped the feet and ran out after Kiki. Everyone stared at Tobi and went back to what they were discussing before they were interrupted.

**Lol Orochimaru is a pedophile! Hahahahahahahahahahahahah. Ahem, anyway Review or not but I'd prefer you did.**


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